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Joke of the Day
"*points to wrist* this is my Fitbit. *points to rest of body* this is my fatbit."
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"MY NECK. MY BACK. MY PJ'S AND MY SNACK."
"If Paula Deen's new cookbook isn't titled 'Fifty Shades of Gravy', I'm going to lose a considerable amount of money on the bet I just made."
"A corrupt politician turns the power off in an orphanage. What are they going to do, tell their parents?"
"What did the egg say to the pot of boiling water? It might me a little to get hard, I just got laid by some chick. EDIT: ""take me a little while"""
"What do you call an arrogant prisoner walking down the stairs? Condescending. ;)"
"Whats the difference between white people and yogurt? If you leave yogurt alone for 200 years it will develop its own cultures without having to resort to stealing others."
"I hate being a prominent political figure. No-one wants to date a guy with aides."
"""Scientists discover female insect that has a penis"". Bet it originates from Thailand."
"What are hurricanes with a central dense overcast over the eye called? -Hurricanes with cataracts"