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Joke of the Day

"What did the egg say to the pot of boiling water? It might me a little to get hard, I just got laid by some chick. EDIT: ""take me a little while"""

"[going thru airport security] ""Please turn your laptop on"" *I start to stroke it's audio input* ""That's not what I-' Me: No no it likes this"

"I blame instagram for making these basic b*tches think that they're ""models"" in real life."

"Recently I was asked how I view Lesbian relationships... apparently, ""In HD"" was not the correct answer."

"What do you call a second hand gold necklace? Recyc-bling (I'm pretty sure I thought of this myself but I used to smoke the Mary Jane a lot so......)"

"If there was a hooker named Barbie ... And she was really good at her job, would the line outside her apartment be called the Barbie queue? Edit: spelling"

"Life tip: if someone comes out of a bathroom sweating, do not go in that bathroom."

"I thought getting a vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant. Apparently it just changes the color of the baby."

"Love means never having to say youaTMre Canadian."

"What separates the men from the boys? Operation Yewtree."