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Joke of the Day

"I asked Rick Astley for a movie... I asked him to borrow some movies. He said ""sure what movies do you want?"" I asked him for the movie 'Up'. He started singing. ""Never gonna give you Up!"""

"The ancient Egyptians loved cat videos."

"I hear kleptomaniacs make the best detectives They pick up everything."

"My farmer buddy is so lazy. Even when we go to the bar, he only picks the low hanging fruit."

"Interested in: ( ) men ( ) women (X) food"

"After a number of meetings and discussions, a blonde 18-year-old was dismissed from FFA, the Future Farmers of America group. She couldn't keep her calves together."

"If you watch ""The Empire Strikes Back"" backwards it's about a kid so traumatized to learn his dad's identity he starts hitting on his sister"

"TIME TRAVELER: I'm here from the future ME: Really? Who wins the election? TT: Omg it's such a disgrace ME: You need to be more specific"

"Gynaecologist aka female private investigator"

"I used to be able to stay out much later than this. I find I just can't any more. My phone battery just doesn't have the stamina any more."