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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend broke up with me. She said I didn't listen to her or something. Idk I wasn't really paying attention."

"How do you catch a peculiar rabbit? Unique up on it."

"Mario: I killed all your turtle troops.Bowser: Turtle what?Mario: All the turtles that work for you.Bowser: What turtles?Mario: Uh oh..."

"Finally successful enough to have ""haters"", still not successful enough to be successful"

"Why did Obama cross Pennsylvania Ave?"

"What the Diffrence between Chinese and Mexican food? Chinese food comes out in about 15-20 minutes and Mexican food comes outta you in about 15-20 minutes."

"Did you hear Monica Lewinski is in town? I saw her going down on Clinton! (most towns/cities have a Clinton St.)"

"What do you call the second-most hated politician in America? Madam President."

"I hate when I wake up in the morning hungover with penises drawn on my face, Especially since I was drinking alone last night"

"Being an amputee... On one hand it has its benefits, but on the oth-"