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Joke of the Day

"TIL Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate halloween.. guess they don't appreciate random people knocking on their doors"

"I like twitter because having one-sided conversations with virtually no feedback reminds me a lot of being a parent."

"FOX NEWS: ONE WINTER STORM DISPROVES GLOBAL WARMING BUT MORE THAN A BILLION PEACEFUL MUSLIMS ARE AN EXCEPTION TO THE RULE"

"Took me 5 minutes to pick up the soap I dropped in the shower so I hope I never commit a felony."

"Few things more demoralizing than saying ""excuse me"" to a mannequin."

"What's the difference between the jokes from today and next week's jokes? The posters."

"Why do people think Saint Stephen was a marijuana addict? He was stoned to death."

"A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train load of terrapins. What a turtle disaster."

"DATE: I chose this restaurant for the ambience. ME: Ah, very good. [to waiter] A bottle of your finest Ambiens, please."

"What do you call a very smart glass of lemonade that is gay? A homo-genius mixture"