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Joke of the Day

"When I was a kid I made all of my toys watch Toy Story so that they knew I was on to them."

"What do you call it when the Speaker of the House is angry? .... A raging Boehner."

"*Knock Knock* ""Who's there?"" HOLD THE DOOR!! HOLD THE DOOR!!! HOL THE DOOR! HOL DA DOR! HO DA DOR! :'("

"A cop pulled me over and said ""papers"" I said ""scissors, I win!"" and drove off."

"I told wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back. Apparently you shouldn't say that to a woman with alopecia."

"The term ""Expecting a baby"" implies uncertainty. Like we're almost sure it's a baby, but could also be a bushel of potatoes, who knows"

"Why don't many buddhists work in the railroad industry? they have too many ohms to be good conductors."

"Fighting dumb people with irony is like throwing stones at tanks. You can do that, but you achieve nothing from it."

"Why don't blind people go skydiving? Because it scares the crap out of their dogs."

"Why did Bono fall off the stage? Because he was too close to The Edge."