184382

Joke of the Day

"Why did Angela Merkel ban use of crabgrass lawn treatments? She was told they would stop the ""German nation"""

"""Man, what's eating you today? *looks down* I Don't know.... GET IT OFF OF ME!!!"

"My wife gave me the silent treatment for a week... It ended when I told her ""We've been getting along really well lately""."

"Lawyers out there, if I see any of my Tweets being used on Comedy Central can I sue..... Oh you don't think that will ever be an issue, okay"

"Michael J. Fox's backup job plan. Become a Living vibrator."

"To get to the other side"

"Why couldn't Edward leave Russia? Because he was Snowden."

"Learning to love yourself is important. Just don't let your wife catch you doing it."

"What do gay horses eat? Haaaaaay!"

"Jeb says hes good at fixing things and I don't doubt him... People who voted in Florida during the 2000 presidential election know what I'm *talkin* about."