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Joke of the Day

"It's crazy how sexist the postal service is. I guess that's natural with such a mail dominated industry."

"Why did the doorman get a raise? He was always out standing."

"A Mexican Magician Performs a Trick He tells the audience he can disappear into thin air on the count of three. He says ""uno""... ""dos""... *poof* He disappeared without a ""tres""."

"I enjoy visiting countries where I don't speak the language because it requires zero effort to tune out everyone around me."

"""What do missiles, camels, and common fetishes have in common?"" ""...What?"" "" -Toes."" ""Out. Just get out."""

"My girlfriend's father asked me what I do... Apparently, ""your daughter"" was not the answer he wanted to hear."

"[hostage situation] Any last words? ""Nah, I'm good."" If you insist. *puts gun to head* Say you're prayers. ""You are prayers. Lol."""

"Welcome to The News. Tonight's top story: you know that thing you love? It's terrible and you're terrible. Thanks,"

"It's impossible to say ""mesh"" without sounding like Sean Connery... Also you just tried it."

"What's the difference between a male lawyer and a male prostitute? A male prostitute charges $20."