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Joke of the Day

"Why did the doorman get a raise? He was always out standing."

"1. Get preg 2. Transfer ur soul to fetus using Satanic alchemy 3. Give birth to yourself 4. Old body dies 5. Be a baby"

"What is the best way to hunt bear ? With your clothes off."

"I'm disappointed to see that a lot of women are using ""period tracker apps"" now, instead of the shared Google spreadsheet I set up."

"Q: What's the best language to describe the hectic holiday shopping season? A: Russian"

"I use someone calling me during a phone call as an opportunity to hang up on both of them."

"I saw your mother kicking a can down the street with one shoe. I asked her if she'd lost a shoe. ""Naw, found one"""

"Never trust your kids. You know who their parents are."

"A black guy and a white guy were playing basketball in a jail. The black guy won. Do you want to know why? The black guy had home advantage. IM NOT A RACIST, PLS SENPAIS"

"You sound reasonable. It must be time to up my medication!"