169213

Joke of the Day

"[hostage situation] Any last words? ""Nah, I'm good."" If you insist. *puts gun to head* Say you're prayers. ""You are prayers. Lol."""

"Did you hear about Instagram, the weed delivery service? nm was thinking of Instantgram"

"I dropped my phone in the toilet, so I put it in a bowl of rice, and waited for the Asians to come and fix it."

"Knock Knock Who's there ? Colin ! Colin who ? Colin all cars Colin all cars !"

"I like my woman like I like my coffe With no pubic hair."

"When I die I want my body donated to science Specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead people back to life."

"EXORCIST: the previous tenant was murdered. You can see their ghost in the background of this photo SPOOKY GHOST VOICE: oooomg deleeeete it"

"What's black, white, and red all over? White emo kids."

"My brother recently got married To celebrate, my mother decided to pull out a couple bottles from my late father's homemade alcohol collection. That way he could be there in spirits"

"Come with me and I will help you realize your full insignificance."