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Joke of the Day

"The worst thing about turning up at the ER drunk at 4am is explaining to the nurse that my 9 year old drove here."

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"Why doesn't Santa have any children? He only comes once a year and that's down the chimney."
"Imagine how much more useful Superman would've been if he'd helped people move their heavy furniture instead."
"What's a shark's favorite illegal substance? Reefer"
"Keeping tic-tacs in your pocket lets people know you're more embarrassed of your breath than you are of sounding like a human maraca"
"We Found Love in a Swollen Face Chris Brown ft. Rihanna"
"two muffins were in an oven. one muffin turns to the other muffin and says ""its hot in here "" the second muffin turns to the first muffin and says "" holy shit a talking muffin"""
"I am a man with convictions. Mostly because I have a really terrible lawyer."
"What do you call it when two Mexicans were in a car accident and one had both legs amputated? Juan and a half"
"(Anxiety/Depression joke) I'm always exhausted... except for my nervous energy."
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