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Joke of the Day

"My wife said that my 5 year old gets really hyper because of the sugar he has at breakfast so I think I'll stop putting it in his coffee."

"If Netflix asks if you're still watching, tell the truth. I didn't & missed the first time my Netflix rode a bicycle on its own"

"What do Afghan stoners smoke? Hindu Kush"

"Kidnapping is the most misleading term ever I've had these kids in my trunk for an hour and I can't get them to stop screaming let alone nap"

"What does Sonic say during Ramadan? Gotta go fast"

"A screwdriver walks into a bar. The bartender says, ""Hey, we have a drink named after you!"" The Screwdriver responds, ""You have a drink named Murray?"""

"I've had the clap so much that it's turning into applause."

"You couldn't hold an intelligent conversation if I duct taped one to your hands."

"Malaysian food is the best! Because it goes down easily"

"What do you call a man with a blood-covered axe with necklaces made of fingers running towards you? Why the fuck are you still thinking what to call him? Run and get the cops!"