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Joke of the Day

"So the other day in calculus we were talking about concavity I asked if that's why prisoners brush their teeth"

"What do couch potatoes evolve into? Computer chips."

"Mickey Mouse's lawyer calls... ...And tells him, ""Mickey, you can't divorce Minnie because shes 'crazy'"" and Mickey responds, ""I didn't say she was crazy, i said she was fucking goofy!"""

"What says the egg to the boiling water? It might take me a while to get hard, I just got laid by a chick"

"Why are US flags different in San Francisco? They have gay bars."

"ahhh. this weather takes me back to the glory days of stealing dad's lawnmower & joyriding all day until the squirrels made the blades stop."

"So an Olympian walks into a bar... and is promptly disqualified from her final attempt at the high jump and has all her hopes and dreams of winning gold for her country destroyed."

"You might think you're smart until you try using someone else's microwave."

"Talk is cheap until you hire a lawyer."

"Hey Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me. *Tambourine Man shakes tambourine for several minutes* Well that sucked."