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Joke of the Day

"So I was fucking this guy in the ass..... ... and I reached around and he had a boner. Do you think he's gay?"

"Who decided that we should sit together in groups while we chew food?"

"I've written a joke about a fat badger, but I couldn't fit it into my set"

"DOCTOR: Push again, the baby is- MOTHER: IS SOMETHING WRONG? DOCTOR: [holding phone] No, I just caught a Jigglypuff up in there."

"Mafia boss: ""I want him swimming with the fishes!"" *later at the coral reef* Me: ""This is amazing!"" Mafia boss: ""Anything for you."""

"""This is mine"", he growled passionately into her ear. ""Are we clear?"" Breathlessly, she agreed. She wouldn't try to eat his nachos again."

"McDonald's should have an express drive thru lane just for people who need french fries."

"Knock Knock. Who's there? No, he's on first. **I totally just thought of this, where do I go to collect my money?** *Edit: spelling"

"Why was the broom late to the meeting? It over swept"

"Men: Don't lie to your woman, she'll catch you. Don't tell her the truth, she'll be pissed. Just pray for a brick to fall on your head."