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Joke of the Day

"And the Lord said to Peter 'Come forth and receive eternal life' Peter came fifth and won a toaster."

"My dad wanted to name me, ""Rusty,"" if I was a boy. Thank you, X chromosomes."

"Friend: Do you have a bird problem? Me: No. Friend: Why is there a scare crow in your compound. Me: Oh that? That's for people."

"You're leaving Twitter? For good? That's too bad. We'll miss you. See you next week!"

"Unix is so disorganized There's a cat in the man pages."

"What's the best name for a cigarette company? TOBA Co"

"Me: Let's go to Chipotle Justin: Hold on. My leg is asleep Me: *whispering* Oh, sorry. Let's go to Chipotle"

"I like my buttcheeks like how i like my babies Clean"

"Q: Mom why do you always stand by the window when I practice for my singing lessons? A: I don't want the neighbours to think I'm employing corporal punishment dear."

"Don't forget to wish that one bottle of salad dressing in your fridge a happy 2nd birthday!"