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Joke of the Day

"So a lady with Parkinson's orders a grande decaf peppermint soy latte no whip and I forgot to put the lid on."

"What was the Seagull's favorite online streaming service? Netfocks"

"I have an archaeology exam tomorrow And it doesn't matter if I pass or fail because either way... My future's in ruins."

"My favorite one-liner. So, I was with this blind chick last night. She said, ""You have the biggest penis I ever felt!"" I said, ""Ahh, you're pulling my leg."""

"How do you make someone Holy? You beat the hell out of them."

"The human body is amazing; I ate no pickles today, yet I just produced a burp that tasted EXACTLY like delicious pickles."

"If I had a dollar for every person who found me unattractive... I'd buy the htc vive, because who the fuck cares if your ugly when you have VR."

"I'd rather not talk about my aviation pun addiction. It's a soar subject."

"What's green and bad for your eyes? An alligator."

"I know pretty well how batteries must feel I'm rarely ever included in things either."