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Joke of the Day

"How do you make someone Holy? You beat the hell out of them."

"An irishman walked into a bar it's not funny, I should have been in work today."

"I met a sick bird yesterday that got deported. The cops kept yelling about him being an ""ill-eagle""."

"And like the migratory pattern of the white-crowned sparrow, the last roll of toilet paper makes its journey from bathroom to bathroom."

"Why didn't the homophobe decorate his house for Halloween? Because his skeleton was in the closet"

"Ice cream van man found dead on the floor of his ice cream van, covered in sprinkles and raspberry sauce Police are not treating the death as suspicious. They believe he topped himself."

"There used to be an ad campaign that said ""go to work on an egg""... I tried that, the egg wouldn't move and eventually it cracked, so I went to work on a bicycle as I usually do."

"My girlfriend said that I should use the term 'make love' instead of 'fuck.' What the make love is she talking about?"

"I'm not sexist because being sexist is wrong, and being wrong is for women."

"Officer: I'll need to see a photo ID. Me: (pulling out a selfie at an R.E.M. concert) That's me in the corner. That's me in the spotlight."