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Joke of the Day

"My mother asked me today if I was more attracted to breasts or butts.. I told her to shut up and put her robe back on."

"I told my wife I was going to the toilet. She said, ""Don't forget to spray."" Now there's piss everywhere."

"Let's take a moment and remember the tragedy the Norwegians have suffered... they will never get to see Amy Winehouse live."

"Of all the things Dave misses his Mother-in-laws virginity the most."

"APOLLO: I'll be god of the sun HERMES: OK I'll take light- A: I'm also light ARTEMIS: I'll take music A: No I'm also music. That's me too"

"Shredded cheese has officially been banned at grocery stores in the US. President Trump will make America grate again."

"Rest in peace Dave ""The Diamond"" Clancy, and any other celebrity I just made up."

"Alcohol makes me worse at everything except telling secrets."

"Name the four seasons Shit, Summer, Shit, Shit"

"I suppose you can take my cold dead hand when you pry it from my warm live one and charge me w/unlawful possession of human remains"