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Joke of the Day

"Alcohol makes me worse at everything except telling secrets."

"Why are teachers happy at Halloween parties? Because there is lots of school spirit!"

"Did you hear about the sign language translator at Nelson Mandela's funeral? Neither did his audience."

"MOM: What did you learn at summer camp? KID: We built a generator out of sticks and mud MOM: A generator? For what? KID: To charge our iPods"

"Was going to make a joke about my paycheck... Turns out I have insufficient puns"

"If I don't mention you, then the tweet/status wasn't about you. But if the shoe fits, then lace that bitch up and wear it."

"Life is what happens between Apple product releases."

"Burglars broke into Kanye West's home. As a result, 500 statues of Kanye West are missing."

"How do Emo kids reward themselves? Gold Scars. I'll see myself out."

"What do a priest and an Olympic silver medalist have in common? They both came in a little behind."