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Joke of the Day

"I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet. It reminds me of why there is no f*cking money in there."

"I'm sorry, I don't have the energy to walk a mile in your shoes. I'm just going to go ahead & judge you."

"I don't understand why death row inmates are given their choice of meal before they're executed. ""I have to die tomorrow, but I get TACOS!"""

"Using a cellphone in 90's: ""he's prob a drug dealer"" Using a payphone today: ""he's prob a drug dealer"""

"What is a dentist's office? A filling station."

"Me [trying to sound intellectual]: okay, okay which came first turkey the bird or Turkey the *points at map*"

"What do lesbian vegetarians eat? Vaggie burgers"

"On dates, if a man says the past tense of ""see"" as ""I seen"" instead of ""I saw,"" I go to the bathroom and climb out the window."

"What color were Hitler's shits? Eva Brown!"

"Why did the walrus go to the Tupperware party? He heard they had a tight seal"