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Joke of the Day

"There are two kind of women in this world. Those who get mad about everything, and those who get mad about nothing."

"Remember when AOL was the shit? Then it sucked. Myspace was the shit. Then sucked. Facebook was the shit. Then sucked. Twitter is the shit!"

"TV needs to stop putting up those stupid ""viewer discretion"" warnings. My mom is sick of me calling her for clearance."

"Why is money green? Jews pick it before its ripe."

"Never been to the blindfold shooting range? You don't know what you're missing."

"Played Monopoly with a kid & argued that I CAN buy the jail.. Teaching him a valuable lesson about the privitisation of the prison system."

"I've got a new job. I'm helping out a one-armed typist whenever she needs to type a capital letter. It's shift work"

"A woman's heart is just as dumb as a guy's dick."

"I've been crying a lot recently It's shocking how many girls carry pepper spray"

"Some people came to my door asking for donations to the local pool. So I went and poured them a glass of water."