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Joke of the Day

"People need to learn how to take a compliment... Just today I complimented the most epic mustache I've ever seen and the lady didn't even say thanks."

"Mexican Magician There was a Mexican Magician standing on the stage. He said, ""On the count of three, I will make myself disappear!"" ""Uno!"" ""Dos!"" POOF! He disappeared without a tres!"

"[answering door on halloween] NEIGHBORHOOD MOM: please stop giving the children hamsters ME *hands full of hamsters*: but it's Halloween"

"Nick: Can you tell me the way to Bath? Rick: I use soap and water personally."

"Guys, if you want to make a girl moan, tremble, and scream: be a spider."

"I hate two types of people... haters and hypocrites."

"I saw a really cute girl and I wanted to get her number but... I got all choked up. Yeah, living in Compton is f*cked up, they got my wallet too."

"[cat support technician] Me: So you're here to fix my computer? Cat: *nods* Me: Great, here it is. Cat: *lays on keyboard & falls asleep*"

"Daughter asked me she wants to feel like a princess so I forced her on a marriage with a man she's never met to secure our alliance with the French."

"There have been a lot of pro nazi posts on here lately Anne Frankly I'm sick of it"