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Joke of the Day

"I saw a really cute girl and I wanted to get her number but... I got all choked up. Yeah, living in Compton is f*cked up, they got my wallet too."

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"If by ""physically fit"" you mean that I am going to physically fit this entire cupcake into my mouth then yes."
"I went to look at tents today. But I didn't buy one. There was nothing before them, there was no pre-tents."
"Do you know why sharks don't eat clowns? They taste funny."
"Listen Target, I always try products before I buy them and if that means dry humping the shit out of your body pillows in aisle 9, so be it."
"""No mom I DON'T HAVE a boyfriend!"" -lie you tell at 18. ""No mom I HAVE a boyfriend!"" -lie you tell at 28."
"Lindsay Lohan's personal chef is just a pinata full of cocaine."
"""Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot."""
"i always get gatorade and gasoline confused. my car is real good at sports and im dead"
"HOW MANY LAWYER JOKES ARE THERE? Q. How many lawyer jokes are there? A. Three...the rest are all true."