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Joke of the Day

"Bill Clinton was surprised to find his old sandwich maker is ahead 12 points in the polls."

"Why couldn't the soldier feel his legs? Because his arms were blown off."

"Twitter, because my work isn't just going to ignore itself."

"I'm pro-choice; pro-life is for babies."

"Didn't know which glass of beer was mine so I drank both. I'm a problem solver."

"At the grocery store, my daughter held up two types of fabric softener... ...and she asked, ""Would you rather have dryer sheets, or dryer balls?"""

"ME: woud u be open to adoption? HUSBAND: yes [later, at the adoption agency] ME: yes hi, i'd like to put my husband up for adoption"

"So a masochist meets a sadist... The masochist yells out ""HIT ME! HIT ME!"" The sadist smiles, looks at him and says ""no."""

"Oh vajazzled is definitely going on my bucket list. I'll pity the fool that has to jazzle my vag."

"Why can't they teach drivers ed on the same day as sex ed in Egypt? Wears out the camel."