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Joke of the Day

"The rest of the world should fear our military. We have the most cutting edge technology 1954 had to offer."

"If the other driver had stopped a few yards behind himself the accident would not have happened."

"Son: How much does it cost to get married Dad? Father: I don't know son I'm still paying for it."

"What do airlines and prostitutes have in common? You pay them and get fucked"

"You say you don't eat a lot of fast food but it kinda looks a little like you do."

"Glassware has emotions. Proof: I sometimes reach to the back of the cabinet because I feel bad for the glasses that I never use."

"If Trump gets elected, I'm moving to Mexico. Then at least there's a wall to protect me."

"If Twitter has done nothing else, it's trained me to spell words like diarrhea, gonorrhea & chlamydia without spell check."

"Not only is it daylight savings time today, but also Int'l Women's Day. Because apparently a full 24 hours to celebrate women would have been just a bit much."

"I love christmas lights! They remind me of my co-workers. They all hang together, half the fuckers don't work, & the others aren't too fuckin' bright."