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Joke of the Day

"I love christmas lights! They remind me of my co-workers. They all hang together, half the fuckers don't work, & the others aren't too fuckin' bright."

"I finally found a girl who is like my mother in every way! I brought her home and wouldn't you know it... my dad doesn't like her"

"What's the difference between six dicks and a joke? You can't take a joke."

"How does the man on the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it."

"I told my wife she would look sexier with her hair back... She was pissed! Apparently that's a insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient."

"Me: I'm having a problem with my computer: IT guy: Have you tried punching it? Me: That's the first thing I tried. I'm not an idiot."

"Facing charges for attacking a man on New Years Eve.. Well, excuse me for getting nervous while an Arab was counting down from ten."

"Why is Donald Trump a good candidate? Because if he was bad he'd be a CANTdidate."

"Therapist: How's your narcissism? Much better I thin...*sees my ex walking by* [opens window] HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE I BROKE UP WITH YOU!"""

"I just axed this dude what kind of body spray he was wearing."