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Joke of the Day

"I hide photos on my computer of me petting animals at the zoo in a file named Fireworks and vacuums so my dog won't find them."

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"Whenever I'm sad, my dad tells me ""cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water"" I know he means well..."
"FOUR RULES FOR DATING MY TEENAGE DAUGHTER: 1) get her home by 11 p.m. 2) so we can chill 3) i have mario party 4) be my friend"
"Americans lost their racism just in time... ...for this beautiful colored christmas!"
"If I had a dollar for every joke I've recycled I would have a lot since this is a popular style of joke"
"I've had enough of my girlfriend's obsession with auctions. So I bid her farewell."
"Bought some sneakers off of a drug dealer... I don't know what he laced them with but I've been trippin' all day!"
"Wait you *must* be the aunt I've heard soooo much about. The one who looks like Freddie Mercury and laughs like a jackal. Is this her honey?"
"""SZA"" would be the perfect name for a lesbian member of the Wu Tang Clan"
"What did the Irish man and the mongol woman name their child? Lepre Kahn"