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Joke of the Day

"FOUR RULES FOR DATING MY TEENAGE DAUGHTER: 1) get her home by 11 p.m. 2) so we can chill 3) i have mario party 4) be my friend"

"A good listener always watches you speak, makes eye contact and never lets on he's thinking about something else."

"HER: What's your cell plan? ME: Bodily decay over decades until inevitable mortal collapse. You? HER: ... ME: ... HER: ... V-Verizon."

"I've got 70 hobbies. '69'ing and fishing."

"What can a Chicken do that you cannot? Eat with his pecker."

"Deathblade the Biker Gang leader ran over a land mine. He died like he rode: all over the place."

"A man in Victorian clothes just appeared out of thin air and handed me a fistful of herbs. I think he might be a Thyme traveller."

"Is the age of consent for dogs 18 or 2.572?? (Need to know ASAP)"

"Gift before the Prom ""I'm ready for my first prom daddy"" ""Here, take this box son... And don't make the mistake I made"" ""Whats in the box dad"" ""...Condoms"""

"What did the VW spokeswoman say after the EPA tester discovered the emissions discrepancy? Nothing, she was embarrassed."