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Joke of the Day

"Google would like to use your current location. Allow/Deny? Allow *100 Google employees throw a party at my house*"

"I used to wonder how anybody could possibly drop a cell phone in the toilet. Used to."

"You're like that person playing Pictionary who draws something terribly and just keeps circling it."

"When I said that I wanted to be a comedian, everyone laughed Well, now I'm here, and no one is laughing."

"How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank coffee before it was cool"

"I can hear my cat's stomach growling in D#... I better get him a tuna."

"What do you call the angel in charge of hydroelectrics? A God dam engineer."

"If we're talking and I suddenly look off into the distance at a copse of trees that means I'm thinking of burying you there."

"It doesn't matter what kind of brain is attached. Good boobs is good boobs."

"Why can't Saudi woman drive? There's no road from the kitchen to the bedroom."