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Joke of the Day

"I used to wonder how anybody could possibly drop a cell phone in the toilet. Used to."

"Got pulled over tonight. Cop asked if I had any weapons. I showed him my guns. He laughed."

"I try to buy American, but I just can't find a good domestic finger trap."

"Just need to grow I wanted to grow my own food but I couldn't get bacon seeds anywhere."

"I'm hesitant to use the word ""genius,"" but I just answered the last five questions on Sesame Street correctly."

"Where does a person with one leg work? IHOP"

"Top of my Med School Class: I don't just play God, I win. *definitely not remotely true*"

"A hamburger walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says,""Sorry, we don't serve food here."""

"Scotland's Independence David Cameron has said Scotland could become a third world country if they become independent. I'm not sure if things will improve to that degree, but you never know"

"How do Jews fight? With JewJitsu"