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Joke of the Day

"Why can't Saudi woman drive? There's no road from the kitchen to the bedroom."

"My girlfriend hates it when I sneak up on her And according to the judge, she also hates it when I call her my girlfriend"

"*cop pulls me over* Have you been drinking? No I- *water bottle now full of wine* *officer lowers shades. its Jesus* No one will believe you"

"A book fell on my head today... I've only got my shelf to blame."

"If Facebook is conflicting with your real life relationships then it's time to take a break. We need your full commitment over here."

"Drank too much Red Bull and puked in some bushes, now three of them are breakdancing and one is taking me hang gliding next weekend."

"Why do the Lanisters have such big beds? Because they push 2 twins together to make a king."

"What's heavier, a ton of bricks or a ton of feathers? A ton of feathers. Because you also have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds."

"A blonde's house is on fire. She runs outside and yells ""Help me! My house is on fire! What do I do?!"" Someone else yells ""Call 911!"" The blonde yells back ""What's the number?"""

"I just met a girl named ellen she's the complete inverse of my e^(x)"