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Joke of the Day

"[paying at chipotle] ME: i got a burrito CLERK: that'll be ten dollars ME: with guac CLERK: that'll be ten thousand dollars"

"I used to be a man inside a woman's body... but then I was born."

"My girlfriend's car got stolen today, so if you see a man driving a dark green Honda Civic, PLEASE tell him I left some Skittles in there."

"A son goes to his parents and says ""Mom, Dad... I'm gay."" The Dad immediately responds. ""HI GAY, I'M DAD."""

"Did you hear about the guy that got trampled by the triplets? He's six feet under now."

"January 1: GONNA WORK OUT EVERYDAY January 2: [works out] Jan 3: [kind of works out] Jan 4: [too busy to work out] Jan 5: VANITY IS BULLSHIT"

"A Butt walks in to a bar. . . The bartender asks, ""What'll ya have?"" and the Butt says ""Pfffbbtbtbt"" Then the bartender turns to his friend and says, ""What an ass."""

"Why did a chinese man ride a bike to the brothel? To get laid."

"What are the three biggest lies an Oklahoma State fan tells? I WON this belt buckle, I OWN that truck, and I swear to God I was just helping that sheep over the fence."

"I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant But apparently it just changes the colour of the baby"