8507

Joke of the Day

"As an american, I feel really sorry for the Canadians up north. I mean, how do they even live if their summer is 30 degrees?"

"So you hate Facebook? Thanks for sharing that with me on Facebook."

"Password. ""I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves."""

"Me: I get most of my tweeting material from you son. 9: I'm glad I expire you. Me: See what I mean."

"I heard Oscar Pistorius had a hard time finding a lawyer for his murder trial... they kept saying he didn't have a leg to stand on."

"When I go to Burger King, I like to get a Whopper and a Whopper jr. then make the Whopper watch as I eat the Whopper jr."

"How do you get a Mormon to stop drinking all of your alcohol? Invite two of them."

"What did the letter O say to Q? Dude, your dick is hanging out."

"This guy's shirt said 'blink if you want me' and now my eyes are watering and I need to close them but ohmygod you guys I DO NOT WANT HIM"

"[an octopus seeing a snake for the first time] OMG a foot!"