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Joke of the Day

"I heard Oscar Pistorius had a hard time finding a lawyer for his murder trial... they kept saying he didn't have a leg to stand on."

"What do you call a lesbian chicken? A sticky beak!"

"Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you. But roses are wilting, violets are dead, sugar bowl's empty and so is your head."

"I haven't slept for 3 days... Because that would be way too long."

"Listened to Korean Jazz the other day... It had two kinds of Seoul."

"Forgot we bought a Christmas tree. Woke up at 2 a.m., went to pee, thought it was a guy and almost called the cops on it."

"What is your favourite type of birthday present? Another present!"

"Where's the 'Alpha male' bint putting out a video that becomes famous for the line ""LEAVE JEREMY (Clarkson) ALONE!""?... In written form on every comment thread of every relative social media post."

"[at home on video conference call] Yeah boss I don't know why I keep dropping. Maybe my connection is bad. *pauses Netflix on 2nd monitor*"

"Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes? A: No eye deer (No idea) Q: What do you call a quadriplegic deer with no eyes? A: Still, no eye deer. (Still no idea)"