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Joke of the Day

"If anyone is living vicariously through me, you just bought yourself Flintstones chewable vitamins."

"Avril Lavigne: He was a boy. She was a girl. Can I make it any more obvious? Me: Yes you could. That is incredibly vague."

"A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3... He says, ""Uno, dos..."" and then *poof* disappeared without a tres."

"Short, but good nonetheless A midget philanthropist"

"How is Santa like a paedophile? They both leave children's bedrooms with empty sacks."

"Who does a dead pharaoh talk to? His mummy."

"I'm joining a cold war reenactment group. We get together on weekends and hide under desks."

"My ex wife claims I have ""commitment issues"" like I didn't just wait in line for 30 minutes to get a hot dog at Costco."

"Now playing: With Myself."

"Why did the console peasant cross the road? To render the building on the other side"