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Joke of the Day

"I've lost my dog! Have you tried putting a message on the Internet? Don't be silly my dog never reads e-mails!"

"I'm not saying she faked her orgasm, all I'm saying is my p enis wasn't even in."

"Why do old men need a Viagra and a Doans before sex? The Doans is so their back don't peter out, and the Viagra is so their peter don't back out!"

"""There's approximately a 50% chance there will be weather today."" -meteorologists"

"Girl you remind me of a... (insert insult here)"

"Vegetarians live up to nine years longer. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years."

"I've decided to teach postcolonial theory instead of seventeenth-century poetry. Because, you know, easier Said than Donne."

"I was feeling depressed, so I drank some brandy and went to the gym That really lifted my spirits"

"They should make condoms out of bubble wrap. *pop pop* Hee-hee! *pop pop pop* Hee-hee! *pop pop pop* Hee-hee-oh! *pop* That was fun!"

"What's blue and doesn't fit? A dead epileptic."