228221

Joke of the Day

"The year is 2027. Voice to text is flawless. A young child points at a bird and says, ""Duck"". His mother slaps him."

"Whats the difference between a hormone and an enzyme??? You can't hear an enzyme, but you can hear a hormone."

"If you want to work for a company that makes moisturiser, the best thing to do is to apply daily."

"What do you call it when two gays fight? Fruit punch!"

"hmmm public speakimg clases..? well do u hav private speakimg clases? bc i hav a secret *leans in close to u* I NEVER LEARNED HOW TO WHISPER"

"I feel so alive when I watch an object fall and shatter into hundreds of pieces. Not alive enough to clean up the mess though."

"If Dumbledore did a 'Cribs' episode for Hogwarts, he'd be like ""and this is where the magic happens"" in every room."

"My girlfriend wants me to stain the new wooden fence in her backyard. So I'm going to eat spaghetti over it for a few weeks"

"My girlfriend just texted me this: Babe,myspacebarisbroken.IneedanalternativeASAP! Anybody know what 'ternative' means?"

"I've GOT to get a life stenographer. It'd be great to say, ""Betty, read back last night so I can see why I put a skillet on my nightstand."""