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Joke of the Day

"I'm on a seefood diet I see food and I eat it."

"Why did the semen cross the road? Because I wore the wrong socks today."

"Hey guys I found an iPhone 6s If it's yours contact me. I still need the charger!"

"I wish my ears would visibly lay back like a cats when I'm pissed off so people would know when to leave me the hell alone."

"Drink to remember. Drink to forget. Tweet while drinking, Wake up with regret."

"How can you tell someone's an atheist? You can't. They'll always tell you first."

"WIFE: How's the ventriloquism going? ME: Not good. WIFE: But I got you that Ventriloquism For Dummies book. ME: I don't think he read it."

"What's white on the top and black on the bottom? Society."

"Hear about that guy who overdosed on viagra? His wife died."

"""Hey buddy, what's up?!!"" -- short honk ""I WILL KILL YOU AND EVERYONE YOU LOVE"" -- long honk"