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Joke of the Day

"Live for what tomorrow has to offer, not what yesterday has taken away."

"I don't need a flashlight to find my way around in the dark. I have shins for that."

"It's find it a tough decision to buy the right mattress... I guess I'll have to sleep on it."

"I once dated a girl with a sledgehammer fetish She was pretty *eh* looking, but the sex was smashing!"

"I've been ""watching my weight"" and, rest assured, it's still there."

"I was told to bring a box of tissues with me when my friends and I watched Bambi. You can imagine my disappointment."

"Why are pirates pirates? Because they arrrre"

"I bet the Mayans made great boyfriends because they're always wrong about everything."

"Hand 2 toddlers a poisoned cookie and tell them not to eat it, then leave for a day. Some would call that stupid. The Bible calls it Genesis"

"The Canadian Opera Company has announced that it will play a special concert series at the Vancouver Art Gallery. They say that this will be the first time the COC has played in the VAG."