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Joke of the Day

"Man, I sure am mad about the rising bullet prices... Now I get less bang for my buck!"

"Why are Astronauts seen as condescending? Because all they do is look down at people."

"[car wreck] [hand reaches out] ""Take my hand. I'm Chad Kroeger from the popular band Nickelback."" [I let the flames slowly bake me alive]"

"Went to our annual work party last night... They played 'The Twist' so I twisted. They played 'Jump' so I jumped. Then they played 'Come on Eileen'...I was asked to leave shortly after that."

"What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A Tryke."

"what does a Nazi turkey say? ""Goebbles Goesbbles"""

"I hate forensic TV shows like CSI. I know for a fact that they are completely unrealistic... I mean come on, women detectives?"

"Porn gives unrealistic expectations. The plumber took his usual 60 per hour, even though I sucked his cock."

"Mood ring I got my wife a mood ring. When she's in a good mood it turns a beautiful shade of blue. When she's in a bad mood it leaves an ugly red mark on my forehead."

"The Force Awakens could have been much shorter. All the First Order had to do to get rid of the Resistance was to use a superconductor."