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Joke of the Day

"Mood ring I got my wife a mood ring. When she's in a good mood it turns a beautiful shade of blue. When she's in a bad mood it leaves an ugly red mark on my forehead."

"What is the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of its paws while the other is a pause at the end of a clause."

"Apple So Apple was making a new touchscreen for kids , it didn't go well because of the name , iTouch Kids"

"You know what gives me the shits? The digestive system"

"How do you know you're drinking too many protein shakes? You've had whey too much!"

"Don't ask the Norse professor about his old subject... It's a Thor subject. And he still doesn't want to Friggen talk about it."

"Did you hear about the woman who was shot 24 times in the back?! They say she got up afterwards, putting her clothes back on, and exclaimed ""Wow, your reload time is *amazing*!"""

"How do you say ""bra"" in German? Stopsemfromfloppin"

"Van Gogh's girlfriend: Oh my love! Why did you cut off your ear?! Van Gogh: pardon?"

"I guess I prefer Subway because they make me feel like I'm making the healthy decision when I order a loaf of bread with 18 meatballs on it."