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Joke of the Day

"I treat pavement like Tampax Because some bitches bleed on it!"

"Apparently the owners of Aldi and Lidl were really brothers. Presumably Aldi was the alder one and Lidl the Lidl one."

"What do a brick and I have in common? We both get laid by hand."

"iTunes has it all wrong... ... the hottest single this year is me."

"everybody gets their 15 minutes of fame - so here's my first original joke! why is it impossible to surprise a snowman? .. he has ice in the back of his head"

"Shriek your Twitter name between songs at concerts and hope that it makes the live album."

"The grammar teacher said ""In English, two negatives make an affirmative, but two affirmatives never make a negative."" A student replied... ""Yeah, right!"""

"I imagine when you get to heaven they give you a box with all the sodas and snacks that vending machines cheated you out of your whole life."

"Congratulations Apple on releasing the new 6s I bet it's going to be a big 6s."

"I'm in trouble with my wife. I totally forgot her special birthday' that was such a big deal apparently. Still, everything went fine and it was a healthy baby boy!"