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Joke of the Day

"What has 5 fingers but isn't your hand? My hand."

"A coworker just asked me if I was voted most likely to take a joke literally by my high school yearbook committee... That wasn't even a real superlative. I swear, this guy..."

"Just realized that I'm finally too fat to do things during summer."

"What are condoms? Something your worthless fuckup of a father couldn't afford."

"If I had 9 lives I'd stick my butthole in your face too."

"Please pray for me as I make the difficult transition from pumpkin spice to eggnog lattes."

"This mallard waddled into a bar... Should've ducked."

"Why couldn't the snowman spend his money? Cause his assets were frozen."

"What do nosy peppers do? They get jalapeno business. :)"

"We all know you love your boyfriend, but we'd all appreciate it if you'd SHUT THE FUCK UP"