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Joke of the Day

"Skrillex is the worst lab partner I've ever had to work with. Every time I hand him a beaker of alkaline solution, he drops it."

"I hate when people say, ""You barely touched your food"" like what do you want me to do stroke it?"

"When a man wants to get a tan he goes under the Sun. When a cos wants to get a tan... ...He goes under the sin."

"There was a computer dating back to Adam and Eve.. It was an apple, and a very bad one at that. It only took one byte for everything to crash."

"Eric Clapton Did you know Eric Clapton's son was a speed reader? Six stories in 2 seconds."

"*blows bubbles in your face to distract you as I take all of your tater tots*"

"When is the most likely time that a stray dog will walk into your house ? When the door is open !"

"Hang in there, people suffering from natural disasters and deadly diseases - we're putting ribbons on our cars as fast as we can"

"Went to my friend's house for a night of drinking... ...crashed on the couch. I was awoken in the middle of the night by my friend blowing chunks. Chunks is the family dog"

"If a girl asks if you think she's fat, say yes. She'll value your honesty. Day 47: I didn't even know we had a basement. Help. You can only regurgitate food and water for so long."