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Joke of the Day

"Calm down with that charm bracelet, lady. Every time you move your hand I look around for Santa's sleigh."

"[Barber gets out a small mirror to show an owl the back of its head] Owl: No I got it *rotates* Owl: Wait where'd it- *rotates* Owl: Ok help"

"My husband doesn't find it nearly as amusing as I do, when I read all your tweets out loud to him. For 2 hours. Douche."

"[Enter Password] drapes [Re-enter Password] carpet [Error: Passwords must match]"

"How many porn stars does it take to turn change a fuse? It's too hard to tell. They keep blowing it."

"What fighting style does best girl use? Waifoo."

"ATTENTION LADIES: I will now be downgrading expectations from someone I can love to someone I can tolerate. Act now while this amazing deal still lasts!"

"What is a cat's favorite breakfast? Mice crispies."

"How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? That's not funny."

"Do gun manuals have a ""trouble shooting?"" section?"