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Joke of the Day

"Money can't buy you happiness. But it can buy you burritos and a Slip N' Slide. So you do the math."

"A bear walks into a bar.. *Goes up to the bartender* Bear: ""Hi, I'd like a gin...................and tonic."" Bartender: ""Sure, but what's with the big pause?"" *bear looks at own paws*"

"I'm not a doctor, but I play one on eHarmony."

"How to fall down stairs Step 1 Step 6 Step 7, 8, 9, 11"

"What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef"

"What is Heinz Guderian's favorite song? The Blitzkrieg Bop"

"My roommate said he was going to quite masterbating I asked how that was going. He said, ""I don't know man I just haven't been feeling myself."""

"9/11 jokes are not funny guys.. The other 2, however, are hilarious!!"

"It's truly amazing what Abraham Lincoln accomplished while wearing such a big stupid hat."

"Why did the perv go into Victoria's Secret? The panties were half off"