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Joke of the Day

"Always have a fake name at the ready so you don't tell the cops something stupid, like ""Andrew Granola."""

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"Don't make fun of a fat person with a lisp... ...they're probably thick and tired of it."
"Why couldn't the octopus take off her bra? It had suction cups."
"Instead of an accountant, hire a philosopher to do your taxes. It's the thought that counts."
"How many bitter Hillary Clinton supporters does it take to change a light bulb? None, we've decided to let a man do the job."
"A guy broke into my apartment last week.. He didn't take the TV, just the remote. Now he drives by and changes the channels.. Sick bastard.."
"As a kid I'd watch Price is Right and think ha that sucks he won furniture. Now I'm like, wow I can really use a new bedroom set."
"What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? can't jam peanut butter in your ass"
"When he's out driving where does Dracula like to stop and eat? The Happy Biter."
"What did the milk say after it got beat? ...It's butter this way"
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