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Joke of the Day

"I don't know why I got fired from my job at the M&M factory. I threw out all the Ws, they should be happy!"

"Thomas Jefferson on cable TV news: ""The man who reads nothing at all is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers."""

"If I don't introduce you to the person I'm with it's because I don't remember either of your names."

"If you put a picture of yourself in a locket, you could say you are... Independant"

"My boyfriend is like an iPhone 7 Just jacks off"

"I took the batteries out of my carbon monoxide alarm... ...the loud ringing noise from it was giving me a headache and making me dizzy."

"how to you get a one armed blonde out of a tree? you wave at her."

"My pet mouse Elvis died today He was caught in a trap"

"My neighbor just gave us a brand new dining set! I guess he was feeling particularly chairitable today."

"What do doctors hope to see on Christmas Santa-Gauze! I'll see myself out..."