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Joke of the Day

"I took the batteries out of my carbon monoxide alarm... ...the loud ringing noise from it was giving me a headache and making me dizzy."

"Less than 3% of the world's mantis population are atheists."

"a horror film where the victim walks into her kitchen and everyone she's muted on twitter is standing there drinking coffee"

"Paul is coming over tonight Paul smith or Paul who puts ketchup on everything? [car pulls into driveway covered in ketchup]"

"My class teacher once said ""Write and Practice."" Turns out she was right. I practiced on my desk just before I started my exam and it worked"

"An incendiary note i left resulted in suicide by arson"

"What does a piano, tuna, and a bucket of glue have in common? You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna! Don't ask me about the bucket of glue though... I've been stuck there for a while"

"You haven't seen true happiness until you've looked into the face of a white person when The Cha Cha Slide comes on at a wedding."

"If I worked for Papa Johns as a delivery man I would break down every door with an axe as I say ""Here's Johnny!"" Guaranteed tips."

"Tweets My Dad Shits."