83607

Joke of the Day

"How do stoners travel? On the canna-bus."

"No honey, there isn't a neighbor working with a nail gun this early. That was just my knees creaking when I got out of bed."

"My five year plan? I don't even have a five minute plan."

"What did the cow say about the beef industry? I've got some steak in it."

"Did you know that I can see into the future? I have 2020 vision"

"Imagine the towering achievements in aquatecture if sawfish & hammerhead sharks ever get their shit together"

"My grandfather always used to say that to really know a person, you have to walk in his shoes. He had six hundred and nine pairs when they finally caught him."

"I just had sex with Jesus Christ I wasn't prepared for his second coming."

"Dogs are like books The more you like them, the harder they are to put down. Edit: Grammar."

"LIFE HACK: If a public restroom is locked, violently yank the door handle over and over like a gorilla and never accept that it's occupied"